Testimony

I’ve debated on giving this testimony for several months.  God keeps putting it back on my heart so I think now is the time to give it.

A couple of years ago I went through a trial that I honestly never thought I’d have to face.  Call me naive or whatever, but this was the first time I’d prayed for something so important and not gotten the answer I expected.

I read something a while back that talked about the difference between faith and trust.  I’ll paraphrase but it gave the illustration of a man pushing a wheelbarrow across Niagara Falls on a tightrope.  Suppose you’ve read about him doing this before, maybe seen him do it on TV, so when he asks if you believe he can do it you say sure, you believe he can… that’s faith.  Now suppose he asks you to ride in the wheelbarrow while he’s pushing it across the falls on a tightrope… that’s trust!

As a consequence of what I went through my trust in God was shaken.  I still believed He could provide, but my trust that He would answer my prayers was weak… and I didn’t like that feeling one bit.

I’ve always relied on God to see me through storms and to protect me and my family, and the feeling of being alone was horrible.  I take comfort in knowing that someone bigger than me is watching over my kids and has them right in the palm of His hand, feeling that He might not was scary.

Even in the darkest days I still knew deep down inside that even if I didn’t feel like He was listening, those feeling could lie.  So I cried out to God and laid it all on the line to Him.  I told Him my trust was shaken, told Him that I still had three more children that I needed to feel I could entrust to His care, told Him how disappointed I was, told Him how alone I felt.  I even told Him that if I thought there was anywhere else I could go to meet those needs I would, but that I knew He was the only way.  As the apostle Peter said when Jesus asked if the disciples would leave Him too, “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.”

As I was pouring all this out to God the Holy Ghost spoke to my heart the words to a song we sing sometimes.

“Though God slay me, yet I’ll trust Him.  I will then come forth as gold.”

Those words touched me. They showed me that even though I didn’t feel God’s presence He was still with me.

Not long after that I was talking with Travis.  He was mad at me about a decision I’d made to not let him do something and wanted me to explain myself to him.  We were standing in the kitchen and I’ll never forget the words I said him…

You may not always understand the decisions I make and I may not always explain myself to you.  There are some things that you are not yet mature enough to understand and there are some things I know and see that you don’t yet.  But always know that everything I do, I do because I love you and every decision I make, I make because I want what’s best for you.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I knew they were for me.  The Holy Ghost was speaking those words through me just for me. And I stopped right there and cried and thanked Him.

I wish I could say the road back was easy, but we’re never promised an easy road.  We are promised that we won’t be alone on that road.  I can be thankful for one thing though, in the end my faith and trust in God is stronger than it ever was.  Before, my faith came from seeing the miracles and feeling Him with me… and that’s good and I thank God for those miracles and feeling His presence… but now I come to God trusting Him just because HE IS.  I don’t know if that makes much sense, but He told Moses “I am that I am”.  Hebrews 11:16 says “…he that cometh to God must believe that he is…”.  It’s just that simple, just believing that He is who He says He is and will do the things He says… no matter what the circumstances may say.

When I first thought about writing this out I went looking for a video of this song.  I couldn’t believe it when I found this one, I’ve know Bro. Jason for years.  Back in their younger days he and Brian could pass for twins!  If you have time to listen to some of his preaching clips you won’t be disappointed.